Guest Post - My Rules for “Supe” Safety by Detective Sgt. Stan Markowski

My Rules for “Supe” Safety
Detective Sgt. Stan Markowski
Occult Crimes Investigation Unit
Scranton Police Department

I deal with supernatural creatures (“supes”) every day.  Some of them are okay, others are dangerous badasses.  Listed below is a summary of the lessons I’ve learned – sometimes the hard way.

Never invite a werewolf for a moonlight stroll.  He might come back alone – burping.

Never tell a witch she’s got a fat ass.  This is good advice about women generally, but you especially don’t want to say that to somebody who can turn you into a toad.

Never French-kiss a ghoul.  Ghouls eat human flesh – you can just imagine what their breath smells like.  Besides, you might not get your tongue back.

Never invite a vampire out for a “quick bite.”  You’re thinking Mickey Dee’s – but the vamp is thinking you.

Never try to pet a Hellhound.  “Here, puppy, nice puppy” just doesn’t cut it with creatures from Gehenna.

Never invite an ogre into a pickup basketball game.  Their idea of a “foul” is closer to most people’s idea of “assault with intent to kill.”

If called by a were-panther….  Don’t anther.*

Never play “Trivial Pursuit” with a zombie.  Their answer to every question is “Uhhhh brains!”

*Apologies to Ogden Nash on that one.

***Read Hard Spell by Justin Gustainis for more of Detective Sgt. Stan Markowski***


Post a Comment

Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...